5 ways to support children in reaching their goals

Goals can feel like big, daunting tasks when you feel you’re facing them alone. The process of exploring and identifying goals shouldn’t be forced onto children with little context and guidance on how it would benefit them

On the contrary, goal-setting should be discussed and explored together. Parents, teachers, and caretakers are responsible for communicating with children about the importance of goal-setting and how it plays a role in their growth and happiness. In short, we need to make goals fun! 

Here are a few ways adults can better support children in their lives as they discover and work toward goals. 

Make goal-setting a family activity 

Children should be independent in working consistently and meticulously toward their goals. However, independence doesn’t mean a lack of support and involvement from parents or caretakers. 

When setting goals as a family, create a supportive and positive environment. Allow your children to express themselves without dismissing their ideas and pushing a different agenda. 

Kathy Hurly writes in PBS for Kids that goal-setting as a family effort teaches children that individuals with unique aspirations and interests can unite to motivate and help each other on their journeys. Use this time to foster a relationship with children in which they can depend on you and the loved ones around them, seek support when needed, and improve themselves by learning from others. Sit with them, get a notebook and pen or pencil out, and engage in a conversation about the things they like and dislike inside and outside the classroom.

Break goals down into smaller, step-by-step milestones

We’ve all been there before: A situation in which we’ve set a huge goal for ourselves, but the more we think about it, the bigger and more unattainable it becomes. 

Your children feel the same way, especially if it’s goals that they may not be too excited about. The trick here is to help them see each goal as a series of individual steps instead of one giant leap. 

We can break goals up the way a runner would train for a marathon — by splitting up their training to focus on different aspects of a run beyond distance, like consistency, endurance, mindset, and finding the joy in running. A week of training could consist of a speed run, shorter recovery runs, time- and distance-based runs. 

Similarly, you’ll want to help your children break down each goal into consistent habits they can incorporate into their day-to-day routines. If their goal is to improve their grades, help them visualize milestones to track incremental progress over a period of time. Work with them to create a simple action plan for each milestone, like sleeping 30 minutes earlier each day to have more energy to study a little longer after school.

Create dedicated space and time for you to listen to your children

Goal-setting isn’t an activity that you set and forget. Allow yourself to be involved and present throughout the process — not by handholding children through every milestone, but by taking the time to listen to what they have to say. 

Being an active listener is one of the best ways to show your support in their journey toward their aspirations. More importantly, it gives you visibility into your children's struggles and helps you better understand what kind of help they need from you. 

Candida Fink M.D. writes in Psychology Today that parents, teachers, and caretakers can use these strategies to be better listeners: 

• Frequent opportunities: Taking the opportunity to be present at different times and places without being intrusive. Sit in the kitchen or living room when they’re there, let them know you’re always open to talk if needed, and when it’s most natural, take the chance to ask routine questions. Make yourself available in an undistracted setting so you can hear what they have to say.

• Indirect communication: Fink describes this as “any communication in which I am not demanding or expecting an answer.” You’re not communicating about school, grades, or about any expectations you have for them. Instead, you’re encouraging natural conversations that flow because easier because there isn’t a right or wrong way to respond.
  

• No judgment zones: When creating comfortable spaces for communication, it’s only normal to hear things that may surprise or even anger you. Fink recommends that parents and caretakers gather their thoughts and emotions before responding rashly. Keep your cool and listen so you don’t break your children's trust by sharing their honest thoughts. 

Be attentive to their social and emotional needs

Effective goal-setting requires children to be focused and self-aware of how they are striving toward specific outcomes. You don’t want them to work hard at the expense of their well-being and their relationships with others. Staying alert and aware of your children’s social and emotional needs helps you keep them grounded, calm, confident, and kind, even if they face hurdles. 

Committee for Children is a non-profit that promotes the safety and success of children in and out of school. They’ve incorporated social-emotional goals as a core part of their goal-setting process to help children integrate academic and extracurricular milestones with social and emotional reflection. 

Here are some examples of social-emotional goals outlined in the Committee for Children’s Second Step program: 

• I will be more focused. I will do this by using “self-talk” and using my eyes, ears, and brain.

• I will manage my strong feelings (anger, frustration, etc.). I will do this by putting my hands on my tummy and saying, “Stop,” naming my feeling, belly breathing, counting, and positive self-talk.

•   I will ask for help when I need it. I will do this by facing the person I am talking to, standing up straight, and using a calm, firm voice and respectful words.

Teach children how to be resourceful 

Finally, show your children they’re not alone in reaching their goals because they have the world around them as a resource. 

Marilyn Price-Mitchell is an author, developmental psychologist, and founder of Roots of Action. She highlights the importance of resourcefulness in children to help them learn and apply a wide mix of knowledge and skills to reach desired outcomes. More importantly, it helps children use what’s around them to succeed without relying solely on parents and caretakers. 

“When we provide home environments that encourage children to plan, strategize, prioritize, set goals, seek resources, and monitor their progress, we teach them to be resourceful,” Price-Mitchell writes. You can check out this article for more tips and recommended readings on how to help children become resourceful in their everyday lives!