How Perfect is Perfect?
According to the Newport Academy, “Between 25 and 30 percent of teens suffer from ‘maladaptive perfectionism’”. Perfectionism is a popular term nowadays, but what does it actually mean? Perfectionism isn’t just trying to make everything neat and perfect; it’s a constant feeling that an individual’s best isn’t enough and always striving to be perfect at the expense of one’s health and wellness. In this article, we’ll explore several aspects of perfectionism and ways to heal.
Great Expectations
Expectations can be pretty big, and for a perfectionist, they often feel a huge pressure looming over them. They can be so overwhelming that you don’t even attempt the task. The idea of falling short of or not reaching those expectations can feel so big and impossible. But how does perfectionism often start?
It's important to note the root of what drives perfectionism and the fear of failure. Our sense of self is shaped by a mixture of extrinsic and intrinsic values, which are influenced by childhood and broader life experiences. In the article “Influence on Cultural Values On Perfectionism and Self-Esteem,” Padmanabhan (2025) explores three ideas of what perfectionism can look like across cultures: self-oriented perfectionism, socially prescribed perfectionism, and other-oriented perfectionism. Socially prescribed perfectionism tends to be most prevalent concerning cultural influence. It is the idea that others expect an individual to be perfect. To add, a person struggling with perfectionism often develops the fear of failing from the way they were raised and the kinds of people they were around. With this in mind, it’s important to address that perfectionism is not necessarily a personality trait.
Nature and Nurture
For some people, perfectionism may be influenced by biological, psychological, or environmental factors.
There are disorders like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and disorders underneath that umbrella. Moreover, parenting styles and authoritarian figures enable the drive for the fear of not succeeding. In the article “The Influence of Parental Perfectionism and Parenting Styles on Child Perfectionism” by Claudia Carmo, it is apparent that in studies of the cycle of perfectionism and generational authoritarian-style parenting, there are significant consequences on child development and promotion of well-being. When a parent exhibits perfectionist traits, it is likely that the child will also observe and replicate those same traits. Perfectionism isn’t black and white; but this way of thinking simplifies complex topics to be more digestible, such as the discussion of gender norms.
Sociocultural expectations can influence our behaviors, social perceptions, and thought processes, including the pressures people experience based on gender. Regardless of one’s background, these expectations and pressures affect and shape us all, especially through gender norms and traditional gender roles. Many women often face self-imposed standards due to societal expectations, ranging from appearance, success, and self-reflection (Klibert et al., 2005). These pressures often lead women to internalize higher standards for themselves, resulting in greater critical self-reflection and self-consciousness (Thakur et al., 2024). While men may not face the same issues as women, they’re still expected to adhere to standards, such as being strong, level-headed, and always in control. For anybody under the transgender umbrella, perfectionism may develop as a response to gender dysphoria, discrimination, and/or the fear of rejection. In order to avoid negative attention, many may feel pressure to conform to traditional gender roles to receive validation. Now that we have explained how sociocultural expectations are tied to perfectionism, we will now discuss how school can influence perfectionist behaviors.
School as a whole is a genuine stressor for new generations of students every year. The relationship between perfectionism and school is strong, where doing the best in school adds to a person’s future opportunities, including jobs & access to resources. But it is also known amongst many that perfectionistic standards amplify a negative relationship, causing intense stress, self-criticism, avoidance, and a lack of self-confidence within students. With their brain constantly combating them for not meeting these academic expectations, any positive effect this type of mindset can give to an individual doesn’t prove an overall benefit. Instead, it trains their brain to avoid confronting these issues (avoidance-oriented coping versus approach-oriented coping).
For instance, “If I don’t make the grade, I am worthless,” is a thought that comes from too many students struggling with perfectionism.
Instead, a mindset of “trying one’s best” counteracts that (Molnar et al. 2026). Psychological stress is less with this idea of one’s best over idealized perfectionism (excellencism, coined by Patrick Gaudreau at University of Ottawa) and is shown to be unrelated to avoidant patterns involving schoolwork. Feeling one’s best is beneficial to oneself as it positively associates achievement, affiliation, and power with satisfaction, competence, relatedness, and self-autonomy (Giovanni et al. 2025). Perfectionism and fearing mistakes are normal things to experience, but it’s important to learn ways to cope with those overwhelming emotions in an effective & healthy way.
Ways to Deal with Perfectionism
No matter how overwhelming these expectations may seem, you are not alone! Listed below are some ways to help cope with perfectionist behaviors:
Ask others to help reset personal expectations and to gain perspective on what matters. Additionally, other effective coping mechanisms, such as practicing self-compassion, employing opposite action thought, guided journaling, and making collages with uplifting motivators, can all help in diminishing perfectionist thoughts and behaviors.
Don’t tie your self-worth to your achievements. To cope with these intense pressures, try focusing on the realistic outcomes of a situation rather than worst-case scenarios. Embracing the idea that mistakes are just part of learning instead of a reflection of your value can help break the cycle of perfectionism and bring back your peace of mind.
One of the best ways to manage any stress from this is to acknowledge your feelings and shift your mindset. Moving away from societal expectations allows individuals to foster an open-minded environment to be themselves, which is essential to maintain a positive wellbeing. After all, gender and expression are what make us, as humans, unique.
Taking a step back from activities, whether taking 15 minutes or a day away, is vital to recognize the effort one can give without giving away too much of themselves for an unideal standard. These breaks provide a healthy, effective way to cope with the pressure to turn over to perfectionism, and show that by just giving one’s best is enough and should always be enough.
Trying your best is always enough. Be sure to have this information in mind while raising your child and keep up the great work!
